If they do, I’ll too!

Disclaimer- First of all, a disclaimer. This blog entry is not intended to scathe anyone’s moral sensitivity or social heritage or emotional state. Take this with a pinch of salt and a whole lot of humor. And after reading this entry, I don’t want to receive any God damned death threats from anyone or even, don’t ever try to jeopardize me. If you feel that you’ll take offense, then for Pete’s sake, I request you, not to read this entry. I’m writing this for sheer nonsense and perhaps, shit guaranteed from this post.

I claim,

1) Kerala is God’s own country.
2) Kerala is India’s most advanced society.
3) Kerala enjoys the unique geographical features.
4) Kerala has got 100% literate people.
5) Kerala is peaceful and pristine, also India’s cleanest state.

The above claims are not ancient stories, nor idealized conceptions, nor false beliefs, non-existent myths, nor restricted trivias, nor lousy one-liners. They are nothing but the truth! These claims also goes out to those bastards who made fun of the most beautiful place on earth, and who never missed any damned opportunity to hurl abuses at mallus. By now, you should have figured what this entry is all about. Yeah, this is regarding the darned educational tour, which was arranged for a 5 day visit to places like Calicut, Wayanad, and Ooty. I really did not expect my fellow mates to turn uncongenial to me for the dissatisfied culinary art or for the fact that they had no appetite for our delicacies.

Right from the moment they stepped their darned foot on our soil, they began their unfavourable judgments. God damned criticisms, I should say. In fact, I received some severe criticisms from everyone and to my agony, there was not even one darned constructive criticism. Those fuckin’ eunuchs! I was at the receiving end bearing everything, clearing my throat every time and finding a litany of excuses for all things. I was dumbfounded for all the questions put forth by them and I was secluded from the rest. Sigh! Poor me. I felt like spitting on their darn faces and what did they think of me? A drug peddler who is questioned for trafficking drugs?

It was such an uncongenial atmosphere everywhere for me and responding to them? err, I felt like it was useless fighting a losing battle. The one thing that irked me about them, was that, they never missed an opportunity to hurl insults at me. In fact, they criticized and ridiculed the hell out of me. I was here and there, and heading nowhere. I was everyone’s target and I felt like a solitary traveler lacking companions or companionship. Subjugation at its worst, and what else? A maddening experience altogether. Oh goodness! I keep asking myself, how on earth, did I stand all that?

What if I had no intentions of making it for the tour? What if it was not at all arranged? What if I was not born a mallu? What if I was one among them? What if I was not born at all? Sigh! Personal questions. I’d not have posted this entry!

At the end of the day, I pat myself on the shoulder and whisper

I’ve had an exasperating feel, yet another exasperating day, in fact an exasperating tour.

IMPORTANT: I’m from mallu land and I’m proud to be a fraud mallu!

Eventually, I can now breathe a sigh of relief and, feeling pleased and satisfied that I’ve retaliated, I say check mate!
Sigh!

P.S.- I bespeak, don’t take this entry seriously. Pardon me for my vulgar language, once and for all. I treat everyone related to this as my ally. Also, going by the title, no pun intended. Perhaps, this is not meant to be read by anyone who takes things seriously. I stress, kindly don’t take anything to the heart. Kindly note, don’t argue! Thank you.